Relocking In

Pulling structure, while maintaining flexibility and autonomy.

Life in high school was not mine to live.

3PM-9PM violin practice. 9PM-12AM high school schoolwork. 12AM-3AM other studies — AP self-study, community college coursework (usually 2-3 classes on top of high school). Sleep from 3 to 7:48. 7:48 to 7:52, get out the door. 8-minute walk to school while eating breakfast. A 30-minute lunch meant 5 minutes to eat and 25 minutes to nap in the car before going back. Saturdays at the SF Conservatory of Music in Hayes — practice, lessons, master classes, all day. Sundays, symphony rehearsals and more studying.

I can’t speak to how healthy this was, or whether it was extreme even by Bay Area tiger mom standards. But I can speak to how I’ve relaxed since — and how I haven’t. In the past 6 years post-college across 3 cities, some habits have been detrained. Others I’m realizing I’m simply better for — or maybe I’m just done trying to detrain them.

Sleep went from 4 hours in high school, to 6 at my first big girl job, to a consistent ~8 the last few years (with my mandatory 5mg melatonin), though the timing shifts. In NYC, chasing that junior-to-senior promotion, I was in the gym 4-6 days a week — either PR-ing deadlifts or training for my first half marathon. Macros dialed in at 130g protein, 30g fiber, low fat, low carb, logged on MyFitnessPal. The routine: IF until noon, then 30g protein + a protein coffee, fast follow of sous vide chicken, sweet potato or quinoa, kale or broccoli, ¼ avocado. 4:30PM, a 100-cal carb-heavy pre-workout snack before 2 hours of training, warmup and cooldown included. Post-workout: 30g Isopure shake, hot shower, dinner of lean protein + complex carb + veg. Some TV or self-improvement YouTube, then bird-feeding time — 2 dates, a pumpkin seed scoop, a brazil nut, dark chocolate, hot tea, creatine drink. 5mg melatonin, 120mg magnesium glycinate, lights out. Rinse, repeat. Dialed in for three seasons; summers brought lighter workouts, more travel, and the humid concrete jungle’s built-in sauna.

I didn’t mind the militancy, but I knew it wasn’t sustainable. Moving to London in summer 2025, I took the chance to stop and smell the flowers in all the Queen’s gardens, admire the treasures — ransacked or not — in all the free museums, and slow down outside the hyperoptimized, performance-driven grind of NYC. It was a different operating system entirely. Pub with coworkers at 2PM. Working to live. Holidays in Greece or Italy or wherever. Ambition and curiosity for their own sake, not in service of stakeholder value. A sheltered tiger-mom upbringing in the hyperperformant Bay, then the elitism of tech and NYC, had put blinders on me — and they fell off watching a European style of life I’d never imagined possible.

Predictably, after a few months I was frustrated with the slog, the weather, the pessimism, and how fundamentally different the UK is from the US. Coming back to the Bay, I’ve found I’ve gone soft. I don’t consider work my sole purpose anymore — I don’t live, breathe, eat capitalism and tech — but I do miss the lock-in, in fitness and in career. It’s okay to admit that strong goals in these two areas are foundational to who I am, and that they’re what carry the momentum toward the life I actually want.

I won’t be going 0 to half marathon in 3 months, or hitting 225 lb deadlifts again. But I’ll dial back into the frequency — lifting 3-5x a week, 130g protein, low carb and low fat, running 1-2x a week, 3 miles max. It’s a good life.